Renew
by Procrastination Fairy
Summary: It's late December and things are changing.


**This is nothing like a typical story I write, but I was inspired. It's a two-shot. The second chapter will come after the new year.**

**I'm in an angst-cycle. I can't seem to stop writing sad stuff. But I'm finally managing to write something that isn't tragic, so I have a feeling that I'll be able to get back to my normal writing soon. I think the angst came from studying for finals. I take my first two tomorrow. Ugh, I'm so not ready. And I can't believe we're not out yet and it's so close to Christmas. We don't get out until Friday!**

**Happy Holidays to you all. I'm unsure if I'll write anymore before then so I wanted to get the message out there.**

Back then, if she had seen this life, she would have been scared. Mercury didn't like the unfamiliar and the outward familiarity and inward cool distance that everyone regarded each other with in this time was the opposite of her familiar. To be fair, Ami didn't like the unfamiliar either but this _was_ her familiar.

This life to her was idyllic. She liked cool winter days covered in gray clouds where she could block out the rest of the universe and have it just be Tokyo and pretend that she was an average med student going to school.

Usagi, having completely immersed herself in psychology, says that it explains Ami's coping. She blocks it out. She doesn't want it to exist so she says it doesn't. Ami tells her friend that Usagi does the same. In its own little way, it's ironic as they address each other's problems because they can't their own and Ami laughs and Usagi laughs and inside they cry and they both know that they both do but that neither of them address.

But now on this cold, winter, gray cloudy, coping-mechanism day, it's 12:46 and Ami is hurrying and wishing there was another way to get to class but with such little time and such a long time to walk, this is the only logical thing to do.

A hand wraps around her wrist and slips down her fluffy black coat into hers so their fingers hug each other. She doesn't even try to resist because feeling the hand grip hers is awkward when she lets go and she doesn't want to anyway. Palm against palm, it's a contrast, burning warm, soft, and lotion-y against freezing cold, calloused, and cracked from the cold. The colds hands are hers.

They both walk quickly to her class. She doesn't lean into him; they walk rather far apart to be holding hands. They don't speak; the only sound is the scuffle of shoes and rubbing of her pants that are too long. He's done this every day for the past month and people begin to gossip that studious Mizuno has a boyfriend. She guesses that in a way it is kind of that because they never broke up even though there weren't really boyfriends/girlfriends back then. But it's absurd that she doesn't know his name and he doesn't know hers. He just knows she's Mercury and wants to hold her hand. She knows who he is and wants to hold his hand and she doesn't but—

Mercury wouldn't forgive him, but she could. Ami would forgive him, but she can't. She's weak in that sense.

The others, her friends, if they've seen them, there have been no discussions. Maybe they want to keep it to themselves. They would hate them. Ami is the variant. She's too tired to hate him; besides, she's too tired to hate him; besides, she's blocking him out and she can't hate what isn't there.

So for the first time, Ami pulls her hand away and walks even faster. She can imagine him staring at her with his dark glassy green and confused eyes, dark blonde red hair fluttering with the winter wind and brushing his forehead as he stares at his hand and sigs bitterly, regretfully (but that she can hear). It almost hurts to even think of him in emotional pain caused by her. She can imagine all of that and she hasn't looked at him in a thousand years. (She pretends that the man she fought just eight years previous wasn't him and didn't even look like him.) She tries to imagine the first day, when he grabbed her hand and grinned in shock and delight when startled Ami didn't pull away, when his hopes for forgiveness were fueled. That almost hurts more.

It's late December. Maybe come the new year she can work up enough nerve to forgive him, but Ami knows that that is just an excuse and she won't be able to. No matter how much she wants to run back and kiss him and have him hold her, she won't because she's weak. Also Ami is pretending that he doesn't exist so who is there to run to?

She still hopes that he'll be there the next day and take her hand again, but it's unlikely. From what her actions tell him, he's fighting a losing battle.

She makes a deal with herself that if he's still looking when she glances back she'll run back. She won't be weak.

But when she does, he's walking away, hands in his thin jeans' pockets. It's the first time she's seen him in a long time and he looks so handsome even from the back and Ami's heart flutters and her cheeks heat under freckles.

She says, "I love you," before she even realizes it. They are the only ones of the stone bridge so she knows that he can hear her. She rubs her worn shoes along a crack and waits for him to answer. He doesn't.

It's her fault. She's too weak. Ami tells herself to think logically: they both are to blame, him in the past and her now. They should just be together but they can't because she's too weak. She laughs weakly—she can't desist. She keeps blaming herself.

Her gray blue eyes widen as she realizes that he knows that she loves him. He doesn't need to hear that. _He's_ blaming himself.

She's choking the words out, but they come out smoothly, almost rehearsed, in a tiny whisper. So she chokes them out again, yelling and screaming and hoping he isn't too far. "I forgive you!"

She waits another few minutes and he doesn't return. Ami sighs and walks away as well. She's late for class.

* * *

Minako likes to smell things. Scents remind her of memories. She connects scents to her friends, emotions, the past. Rei says she look into aromatherapy but Minako laughs at that. Venus would have stared her in the eye and Mars would have stood down.

Minako likes nearly all scents because her life (besides alien invaders) has been a breeze. But she hates the smell of soap. She hates it so much in fact that she only uses a body wash that is so glittery and scented that it was hard to call soap and kept hand soap that looked like lotion.

She hates soap because it smells like him.

Her friends wouldn't understand. There wasn't soap like that back then, they'd say. And it was true: back then he'd smelled like sweat and heat, kind of the opposite of soap. But soap kind of felt like whom he was: clean, neat, precise. She could also pin it to him in this life: cool, sharp, distinct. Like her back then. Venus had been cold and solemn, but he'd let her real personality out. She didn't want to act like that again.

They'd rubbed off on each other.

But Minako truly and utterly hated soap. Yet just last week, she'd forgotten to buy body wash and been forced to either feel icky or smell like soap. She'd borrowed her roommate's and rubbed it over her body. White streaks down her stomach and legs, like he was laying on her lap, hair splayed about, and the feel of the soap across her back, like her hands. She hated herself for thinking about it, but Minako indulged. Then she was clean and put the soap up.

Minako knew there was no denying it: she missed him insatiably.

So Minako spends her week trying to pretend that it didn't happen. She laughs and is cheerful and completely Minako. Everything is okay. Even Rei thinks she's fine and if anyone would notice, it would be Rei. Minako relaxes. It will all be fine. Nothing is wrong.

And she walks to her boring, mediocre diner job as a waitress and picks up her ugly green apron. She works all day and still everything is fine. Then she walks to the door and turns down the sidewalk and bowls over a man. Literally. Minako somersaults over him and lands flat on her back, skidding across the sidewalk and maybe ripping her thin blue shirt (which admittedly was not weather-suitable), thankful she didn't hit her head. Then she realizes that her phone must have fallen out of her pocket. She turns around to pick it up and knocks her nose against the man's chest. Her heart beats quickly and she _knows_. Minako starts to scramble backwards. She can't be here. It can't be happening. It isn't real. It just isn't.

He smells like soap.

"Here's your phone, miss," he mutters. "Please be more careful."

She holds her hand out kind of limply and he puts the phone in it. It starts to slide out, but she manages to catch it, bringing the phone to her chest. Minako keeps her head low, hoping that he won't recognize a blonde with a big red bow.

"Are you alright? Did you hit your head?"

She can't look up; she can't even move. He reaches for her as if worried that she has a concussion. His hand touches her chin and it smells like soap and it reminds her of soap and her head jerks up and her wide blue eyes catch his. Minako twists around and runs, hurrying to get home as fast as she can or maybe hurrying to get away from him. If she'd thought through, she would have known that he could have caught her if he wanted to, but Minako doesn't think things through.

When she arrives, she smiles and grins because her mother isn't there. This means that Minako doesn't have to abide by her rules and Minako can do whatever she needs to to calm down. Minako takes out her incense holders, red, white, green, and blue, and puts the matching scents in so she can pretend she's getting comfort from her friends without actually having to let them know who she saw. (The scents are very easy: Rei always smells like Casablanca lilies, Ami always smells like chlorine, Mako-chan smells like all the flowers in her garden, and Usagi smells like roses, raspberries, strawberries, jasmine, and oranges. Usagi always smells of so many different things because Usagi is Usagi and Usagi likes to smell good, whether she has to use perfume, lotion, or a strong shampoo. Even her toothpaste is scented strongly.) Lighting all of the scents is a bad idea and fire hazard, but Minako doesn't care and her mother isn't there to scold her.

She sits on her bed and lays back and thinks of things that her friends would say to comfort her.

And Minako is calm, Minako is okay. She takes the key from the dresser. It's Usagi's actually. Mamoru gave it to her for his apartment. As far as the princess knows, she lost it, but Minako actually took it. She's thankful that Usagi is too embarrassed to tell Mamoru because he would know immediately where it was.

She walks to Mamoru's apartment and enters. He's not home. She walks past all the rooms to his bedroom, where a little metal jewelry box sits. There's a faded design on it; Minako thinks it was his mother's. But now that box keeps simply rocks. She opens it and sees that all four are still inside and she begins to doubt if she even really saw what she thought she saw. But she sinks to the floor and whispers, "I will never ever forgive you," because she won't. Minako feels better then. She stands up and leaves, dropping the key on the counter.

* * *

She is perpetually stressed. It had been from school, the temple work, and her father. Now, as an adult, it was from care of her grandfather, running the whole temple, and still her father. Her father would always be a stressor in her life, but Rei has come to accept that. She's also accepted that she'll always be stressed. Mars had worried about the princess, the war, her own kingdom, _his_ safety—

But none of that matters at all. It doesn't to her at least. Rei doesn't need to bother with any of that. If she's too stressed, she can simply pick up a broom and brush away her troubles. It's simple enough. Rei uses cleaning to get by. It calms her down. And she is fine with that. Rei likes her days well-organized and habitual. He wasn't habitual. He stopped her from being so and look what it did. The way Rei sees it, men are trouble, even the good ones like Mamoru and her grandfather.

It's a sunny day and Rei ties her hair back. She regrets it because it's still cold and her clothes are too thin for this weather so she's freezing all over, but she likes having it out of her face. She goes around, does everything that needs to be done, and finally is able to settle down and sweep. Rei grabs her broom and counts in her head, slowly and gently, a soft smile on her.

One-two-three. One-two-three. One-two-three.

Then she hears a voice behind her. At first, Rei can ignore it. It's another stupid boy that wants to date a shrine maiden. Rei does not care for that type of man, or any man, really, so she pretends she can't hear. But the voice is persistent and the words float in her ears and Rei can't help but think that they sound familiar.

The voice tells her that she's pretty. The voice says that it's admired her for months now, but just got the urge to speak to her. The voice says it looks like she works hard. The voice says that it could help if she needed.

She tries to ignore, but her rhythm is perturbed and she slips into Martian.

A-ala-alala. A-ala-alala. A-ala-alala.

She says it out loud, "A, ala, alala, a, ala, alala," making the number deliberately slow and trying to control her temper.

But the voice keeps chattering and says that she has really pretty friends too and it's strange that they'd all be so pretty but the voice thinks that Rei is the prettiest. Rei knows that the voice is lying. The prettiest is Minako and then probably Usagi. Rei kind of thinks she might be the least pretty of her friends, no matter what any of them claim.

She starts to almost smack the ground with the broom. The dirt flies up and falls on her feet with every stroke. The other patrons look concerned, but the voice doesn't notice, still chattering away.

And Rei turns around, ready to snap, because this is her quiet time but she freezes. Rei's violet eyes glare and the bangs that she hasn't bothered to cut in a couple weeks fall from behind her ear into her face. She blows them away and huffs. Already annoyed, she seems like she's about to kill someone. She moves to hurt him, but the voice (or the boy who has it or _him_) seems glad that she finally acknowledged him so he launches off into another speech. She freezes and furrows her eyebrows, stopping even though she doesn't know why.

Where does she go to school because her uniform looks Catholic but isn't it weird that she'd work here then and also is she Rei Hino and is Senator Hino her father and if so why doesn't she live with him and what does she like to do and what are her favorite flowers and—?

Rei tells him to shut up, but he grins and says she's very pretty.

At this point, she is unable to do much more than scowl and walk away. She's forced to put her broom down which displeases her as she walks into the main room. Phobos and Deimos hop over to her and she realizes that he's followed when he greets them by name. She scowls because that means he remembers and he most likely wants to speak to her but instead he talks about crows for five minutes and she scowls and scowls and scowls until he looks back at her and grins. He says she looks pretty when she scowls, leans over, kisses her, says he'll be back tomorrow, and walks away.

And Rei scowls. She wonders why she didn't burn him as soon as he walked in.

* * *

Jupiter was tough and sharp and rash. Like lightning or a whip, she thinks. Jupiter died and became Makoto and even thought Makoto is Jupiter, she has grown. Now she prefers Mako-chan because it is cute and sweet sounding. If Jupiter was tough and sharp, Mako-chan is sensitive and leisurely and careful. Jupiter's curls were wild and untamed. Her green eyes were ready for adventure. Mako-chan keeps her hair neat and orderly and her eyes are gentle and kind.

The biggest difference is that Mako-chan loves to cook and is good at it; so much in fact that Mako-chan owns a bakery. Even though it isn't amazingly popular, the regulars wouldn't go anywhere else and they tell all their friends. Mako-chan is pleased whenever a new customer comes in. She greets every one with her biggest smile, standing behind the counter, frosting on her cheek and stains on her light pink apron with curly-cue letters, "Mako-chan's".

Except this one. Mako-chan's eyes widen and her mouth grimaces. But she pins on a smile because even if she doesn't want him there, Mako-chan needs the money. So Mako-chan grins and greets him. He orders a cupcake and coffee and sits down at a table. He does this Wednesday for two months and becomes a regular and she takes the time to observe him. He always wears a suit. She tries not to laugh. The suit seems so out of place on him of all people. But the more he comes, the more she becomes accustomed to it. It almost makes her wonder if it really is him or maybe if he remembers.

She remembers very well.

She remembers the day he took Jupiter to the kitchen and Jupiter tried to bake for the first time. They made cupcakes and she frosted them. It ended up being dark green with spots of colors and the whole thing was lopsided and falling apart which was really, really strange because the cupcake itself was solid as a rock. Jupiter believed that it most likely tasted terrible as well, but he'd laughed and ate it. When Mako-chan thinks about that, she wonders if he ended up going to the infirmary because that could not have been safe to eat. She's kind of smug in believing that he did.

So Tuesday night, Mako-chan bakes and bakes until she gets a cupcake that is identical. She goes to work and pretends that she's completely exhausted and the regulars don't say anything about the ugly cupcake amidst all of her perfect styled foods. But he comes in, looks, and freezes. He buys the ugly cupcake. She expects him to speak to her because really that is a signal. _Hey, I remember._ But he sits down and eats the cupcake and Mako-chan sighs and the regulars wonder why in the world he would buy _that_ one? Mako-chan glowers some more. She doesn't want him to talk to her, but he should at least let her know that he knew. But she doesn't want that either. Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Mako-chan is mad and if she wants to be mad, she'll be mad.

Then he comes up the counter again and tells her that it's the worst cupcake he's ever eaten. She doesn't reply, just glowers. He introduces himself.

"My name is Makoto Kino," she says in a slower drawl than she typically does, trying to sound unlike Jupiter. It's too late, but she pretends she doesn't remember. "But everyone calls me Mako-chan."

He tells her that he's stopping here after going to his lawyer's. He's getting divorced. Mako-chan is even more annoyed to here that (She's not afraid to admit that she's jealous but it's simply because she doesn't think he deserves to have fallen in love), but that's more Jupiter than her. Mako-chan is slow to anger. She asks if he regrets it and he says no, everything happens for a reason. And that makes Mako-chan even angrier. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason.

He suddenly seems to realize what he'd said to her and tries to take it back, but Mako-chan snaps, her voice rash and sharp and tough. Her voice is Jupiter. He knows it and he apologizes and says that he regrets, but Mako-chan can't believe him and she doesn't know why she even bothered to talk to him in the first place. She walks to the kitchen and sends an employee to the counter. The regulars crowd into him, worried about what he said to Mako-chan to actually anger her and he'll leave.

The next day, Mako-chan will go to the bakery. She'll see her regulars, see new customers, and bake quite a bit. She'll repeat this for a week and pray that Wednesday he won't come in and order a cupcake. But Mako-chan knows that he will and she knows that the night before, she'll make an ugly cupcake and put it in the window and the regulars will stare and he'll buy it. They'll argue and Mako-chan will go to the kitchen and cry because she doesn't want to think about the past.

But Mako-chan knows that she's going to do this. She's reckless that way.

**I guess that's it. I had a lot of fun writing this. It's so different. I'm on a bit of a sugar-high so I know I'm rambling but I can't stop. Feel free to ignore me.**


End file.
